Sunday, August 26, 2012

Family/Inlaws Random mumblings

Lately I started watching Amish: Out of Order and Mose said something that struck a chord with me. 'Family is the black cloud which hangs over all of our heads'. I so agree with this statement. 

I have lost count of how many times I have been told that I am going to hell for my actions. This comes from a family member who is allegedly a Christian. Hell sometimes, I hear what my biological father used to tell me. He would berate me for whatever reason. He would tell me that I am stupid, fat, worthless and ugly. After my parents divorced, I made straight A's, joined the military and now I am a soon to be published author. Take that asshole. For the longest time I believed every horrible thing he told me, it took the love of a great guy to change my outlook on myself. Thank you Jason for being an awesome friend, partner in crime, and my knight in shining armor. A big shout out to all my friends and some family members that encouraged me. I guess I am gearing up for a battle or at least a confrontation. I have a lot of anger towards the alcoholic, abusive asshole who sired me. I want to say thanks for hating me because look at me now. I am a survivor. Sure I might not be in the military anymore but I survived for 12 and half years.

Sometimes I suffer from self doubt but I look at my husband and our two kids. Granted they are dogs but whatever and I realize I am blessed. I survived an abusive, broken home. I survived being bullied, and yes dammit I survived the Air Force. I am a survivor. I will survive whatever life throws at me and I will do so with a smile upon my face.

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