Sunday, August 26, 2012

Family/Inlaws Random mumblings

Lately I started watching Amish: Out of Order and Mose said something that struck a chord with me. 'Family is the black cloud which hangs over all of our heads'. I so agree with this statement. 

I have lost count of how many times I have been told that I am going to hell for my actions. This comes from a family member who is allegedly a Christian. Hell sometimes, I hear what my biological father used to tell me. He would berate me for whatever reason. He would tell me that I am stupid, fat, worthless and ugly. After my parents divorced, I made straight A's, joined the military and now I am a soon to be published author. Take that asshole. For the longest time I believed every horrible thing he told me, it took the love of a great guy to change my outlook on myself. Thank you Jason for being an awesome friend, partner in crime, and my knight in shining armor. A big shout out to all my friends and some family members that encouraged me. I guess I am gearing up for a battle or at least a confrontation. I have a lot of anger towards the alcoholic, abusive asshole who sired me. I want to say thanks for hating me because look at me now. I am a survivor. Sure I might not be in the military anymore but I survived for 12 and half years.

Sometimes I suffer from self doubt but I look at my husband and our two kids. Granted they are dogs but whatever and I realize I am blessed. I survived an abusive, broken home. I survived being bullied, and yes dammit I survived the Air Force. I am a survivor. I will survive whatever life throws at me and I will do so with a smile upon my face.

Friday, August 24, 2012

We have all heard the horror/funny stories about people with crazy inlaws. My blog is to help you survive them or cause you to laugh your ass off.  Options that have an * are scenarios that you should not do because they are mean so do so at your own risk. I will do one scenario each week. Feel free to contact me via email if you have any suggestions or survival stories. My email is

Scenario 1: The Mother in law who makes snarky/sarcastic comments about your appearance or housekeeping skills. This has happened to me and I was not prepared for it.Now that I know I feel much more confident in dealing with her.  Option 1: Smile and nod while she is talking while you are seething on the inside. While you are smiling think of all the horrible and evil things you would like to happen to her. Me personally, I prefer thinking of a house falling on her. I have to refrain from singing out loud the song Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead from the Broadway Play Wicked.

Option 2 is to retort in a teasing manner that you don't visit her and comment on her housekeeping skills or lack thereof. Doing so will probably irritate her or the comment will fly right over her head.

Option 3 is to medicate yourself with either prescription drugs or alcohol. DO NOT DO BOTH!! You could always make her an alcoholic beverage.

Option 4 is to fake a migraine or sudden illness and lock yourself in your room. This is the option that I go with. Migraines are easy to fake and no one will get mad at you if you suddenly disappear.

Option 5 is to fake running errands and leaving your spouse behind to deal with their parents. Stay gone for a few hours to ensure that they are gone by the time you come back. Ladies go shopping or get your nails done. Men I suggest you visit a sports bar.

*Option 6 is to resort to physical violence. This one I do not recommend due to added drama, assault charges, jail time and lawsuits. Plus it might make attending the next family event a little awkward.

On a personal note I lived with my inlaws for about eight months and I do not recommend it for anyone. However I am aware that there are situations that are beyond your control. I hope that some of these tips come in handy

Weekend Flash Writing Group

It was cool to the touch, a much needed distraction from all of the craziness that was surrounding my life as I opened the door to the black Jeep Wrangler. I slid into the passenger seat with the greatest of ease as Jason got in on the driver side. We drove from the busy military base and headed to the beach in San Francisco. I leaned back against the seat and stared out the window watching as the small towns and farmlands zipped by us. I felt myself relax for the first time after all I was with my love.